Announcing FREE Seminar series and NETWORKING EVENT in San Francisco!

Please join us for our FREE mini-seminar series and networking session in San Francisco.

Where: Patima Organic Coffee
2314 Clement Street (at 24th Avenue)
San Francisco
When: 6:30pm-8:30pm Mondays starting
November 24th, 2008

Seminar topics include:

• Brain Communication: Brain communication that will help you get a job or client, and keep a job or client and tell you before the boss or client knows when there is something wrong so you can fix it. (Nov. 24th)
• What STOPS you from having it all? And how to change that. (Dec. 1st)
• Brain Marketing: How to tap the subconscious of people’s desires. (Dec. 8th)
• Innovation: How to find the dream. (Dec. 17th)

More details will be up on the main site (www.ExecutiveSandbox.com) shortly or call 415-497-3979.

The power of your words

A couple nights ago I finally got a chance to attend my first Ladies Who Launch networking session run by Allie Covarrubias. Being unfamiliar with the electoral process I asked the 2 women I was talking at the end of the event, if they knew what the result of the Proposition 8 vote. One of them said as a result of the vote there would be a change made to the US constitution.

One of the 2 women I was speaking to admitted to voting “Yes” on this ballot issue. I was shocked hearing this from someone who is a woman and lives in San Francisco. She voted for changing the constitution – the agreement in which this great country was founded on! The other woman chatting was equally perplexed at her response and that she even would admit it in this forum we were having.

The woman who voted “Yes” even admitted she understood that whether or not she agreed with same-sex marriage that minority rights means rights for all people no matter how you differentiate yourself and it is imperative for a our democratic society to advance. In a woman’s group how could one of our members be vehemently apposed to same-sex marriage that they would vote to change the constitution?

She admitted to have both gay and lesbian friends but she said the decision was based on the word “marriage” NOT on the act of marriage. To her, “marriage” was sacred word used to describe the union between a man and a woman. In the country she immigrated from, they had legalized same-sex marriages but they used another word to define a same-sex union.

Sometimes an issue is so charged that we can’t even see what we’re fighting about and as a result there could be split between people and our connectedness to each other.

We don’t live in reality. We live in our interpretations of our reality. This means that each of us has our own unique definitions and meaning for the words that create our reality. No two realities are the same. If we don’t take the time to listen and really understand what another is communicating, what their meaning and definition behind their words then we will definitely loose out to misunderstandings that can elevate our disagreements to possibly violent proportions. In this case, because we got wrapped up in our interpretation, because we couldn’t see the real issue we may be permanently scaring a document that founded this great country.

Tracy Slotin
Corporate Culturist
The Executive Sandbox Innovation Consultants

Blowing Spit Bubbles

When I think about innovation I also think about ideas that move us forward.

So Ideas – where do they come from? In my life and business experiences, ideas come from our subconscious. Frequently an idea will get caught in our consciousness and if it stays long enough it may impact us or get us to act upon the idea.

But how do we know an idea is a worthwhile pursuit?

Have you ever read something that you wanted to drink up? It was so delicious you wanted to let the words drip down and through you like honey dripping down your throat: Slow and warm and all encompassing but sweet and tangy as well.

Rarely do we come across a work that nourishes every part of our being but when we do, we want to dance in its rays. This is inspiration. When we follow it and put our energy behind it, it is called an innovation. And, when we’re in the midst of developing the idea and putting the pieces together it is called being in “flow”.

How do we get there? How do maintain it? When it only comes in short bursts sometimes at the most inconvenient times when we can’t do anything about it. We need to honor those ideas. Write them down. Then give them their time.

Einstein would write his ideas down in a book and then set aside 3 hours a week to go over the ideas he generated. He would plug them into his to do lists if after the 3 hours he though the ideas were worthy of pursuit.

What is actually taking place when we get those ideas is we are letting ourselves get caught up in between our conscious and subconscious selves. We let it happen by taking off the reins of trying to control our mind and allowing them to wonder. In other words, when we allow ourselves to play. The more we allow ourselves to play, the more innovative and ideas oriented we can be. Being plugged into every energy source (TV, computers, cell phones, electronic games etc.) doesn’t allow for the human brain to relax and open that gap between our conscious and subconscious worlds.

William James (1880) believed that being able to get in touch with one’s unconscious ides was a vital part of being creative. Douglas McGregor believed that work was a type of punishment to acquire the things we need for getting fun. It is so ingrained in our society and culture that work must be work so we aren’t having fun. As a result we aren’t innovating and creating like we could be in our lives. Fun tends to be something that kids can only have because they are absolved from the rules. But knowing this is the path for innovation we must learn how to play again in our work and lives.

What are you doing for fun today? I think I’ll go blow some spit bubbles and then I think I’ll go check out the surf.

A new beginning

If we truly live in place where you can have what ever your dream is, then truly what do you want and what do you have to do to get there? How much longer are you going to let others use your energy in not forwarding you in that dream? Only you can choose.

Once you choose it, that’s when the adventure and fun begins.

Drop Confusing tones and Will Create Clear Communication - Part 5

Albert Mahrabian found that 37% of our communication transmission is made up of tone. Now there is a little glitch in our genetic code to make this a little more interesting. 37% is a considerable amount of communication to be tied up in tone alone if you happen to be half of the population that doesn’t hear all of the tones. It has been found that on average women hear 5-8 tones in communication whereas men hear 35 tones.

We mostly received examples of tonal errors when we were scolded by our mothers as children for our tone of voice and not quite understanding the reprimand. How many times then did you say ‘sorry’ and have the result of the individual responding you didn’t mean it? As adults we have all used the word “fine” to mean that “later, you are going to pay dearly that I’m not happy” without really knowing if the communication was received.

Now communication is usually slated into to forms – indirect and direct. Women are reportedly to speak indirectly while males are reported to speak directly. What this is trying to account for is historical adaptations in communication that have taken form since the days of Hunters & Gatherers. In the Hunter-Gather days women tended to be the gatherers and men tended to be the hunters. The adaptation was created something like this...

Hunters spent most of their time with groups of other hunters or men going to hunt. Going to the hunt was similar to the ways today’s men currently go fishing or attend or watch a sporting event. They quickly work out a plan of attack, where they are going to go, when they get to the area of the hunt. Once they get to the area of attack they stop talking using words for directives and instruction – straight to the point – so to not scare their prey away. This type of emotionless, less tonal communication is prevalent in business. Male brains adapted the direct type of communication because of their tasks during the course of history (Remember Anne Moir found that 80% of males and 10% of women have focus brains which also supports this theory).

Gatherers spent time with other women, children, and the elders of the tribe. They couldn’t just relay on directive communication because some of the individuals they were dealing with didn’t speak. The Gatherers were responsible for taking care of the community when the Hunters were going out getting the kill. They developed ways of seeing and hearing emotions and developed tone references. As with the Hunters, the Gatherers developed adaptations in their brain to deal with the world they dealt with.

Recent studies of male and female brains reveal that the communication areas for a females to be larger in volume with many more communication centers than their male counterparts.



This brain picture shows the communication centers in the male brain (designated by the blue areas) and the communication centers in the female brain (designated by the red areas).

One of the final frontiers is the human brain. Current research reports that we change our brain with every conversation, every action we partake in. Our brain keeps changing and developing well into our 80’s (current research states 80’s but it could be longer). Just because your biological hand may have dealt you a certain brain style doesn’t mean you can’t change, build, and reconstruct your brain. If you communicate indirectly you can practice communicating directly with a direct speaker. If you are a direct speaker you can work with an indirect speaker to build up your ability to speak indirectly.

Tracy Slotin, BSc, BA, MBA (Leadership)
CEO and Grand Sandmaster
The Executive Sandbox® Change/Innovation Consultants
www.ExecutiveSandbox.com

Proxemics and why you want to know how to use it to your best advantage in your communication – Clear communication Part 4

Proxemics is the study of the human use of space within the context of culture. In Edward T. Hall’s 1966 book The Hidden Dimension he argues that human perceptions of space are created through our sensing (seeing, smelling, tasting, hearing, feeling/touch) of the culture in which we live. He also states that the differing culture structures for defining and organizing space are internalized at an unconscious level and can lead to serious miscommunications and misunderstanding in cross-cultural settings.

In animals we see this space phenomenon through marking of territory. Animals are concerned with an imaginary ring, which marks a zone of threat. If another animal crosses that unseen line the animal will flee. Beyond that circle is an inner circle where that animal will defend against an intruder. If an intruder manages to penetrate that inner circle through deceit or speed most animals will instinctively attack.

Humans are similar. We mark our territory through walls and furniture. We have boundaries that mark our personal space. If an individual approaching is intimately related, they will be able to enter the space without harm to either party. Any over step of the boundary by another can cause distress or anger. Personal boundary zones vary from culture to culture. Even within cultures there are wide individual differences.

Judee Burgoon –(Arizona Communication professor) believes there is a culturally appropriate distance at which one should interact and any departure from cultural norms may be harmful or beneficial to our communication. In her Nonverbal Expectancy Violations Model she states that minor deviations in space from expected will tend to get lost in the shuffle of competing non-verbal cues. But, when the distance chosen by the transmitter does not match the one predicted by the receiver the violation causes arousal and distraction. Instead of being able to concentrate on the message of the transmitter the receiver will be wondering about the nature of the relationship. Physical closeness is translated into psychological closeness. This fosters a greater understanding, trust, attitude change and other positive payoffs that are often sought after through communication.
If a greater gap is created than expected by the receiver the receiver will search for social context for clues that will help create understanding of what the distance means. Both standing too close and too far away from another in a conversation will pull the attention away from the message.

Tracy Slotin, B.Sc., B.A., MBA (Leadership)
CEO and Grand Sandmaster
The Executive Sandbox® Change/Innovation Consultants
www.ExecutiveSandbox.com

Body Language – Clear Communication Part 3

Communication is so much more than the words we hear. Albert Mahrabian found that 55% of our speech is body language. Every time I teach body language I am amazed at how we come pre-wired with this information in our brains. Body language is instinctual. When I teach body language it is teaching people something they don’t know that they know. It is something their brain already analyzes subconsciously I’m just bringing it to their consciousness. The importance behind body language is this: if you don’t know what you’re projecting to another you might be telling them the opposite of what you’re saying. Since body language makes up a larger portion (55%) of the message you project than the words you speak (8% of the communication) it is very easy to create a misunderstanding.

In my seminars I have my participants run through this one exercise to demonstrate the body language – communication connection. I pair two people up and have them sit facing each other looking in each other’s eyes. One is designated the leader and the other is the follower. The leader recites colors (red, green, blue, yellow, etc....) continuously in random order. The follower repeats the colors as soon as each color leaves the lips of the leader. The follower’s aim is to say the color as fast as they can after the leader. After a couple minutes of doing this, the leader appears to become the follower. The follower seems to be able to read the body language of the leader and predict which color the leader will say before the words leave the leader’s mouth. I, myself don’t know what the body language indication is for the color red, but I can assure you it exists.

In our quest for creating clear communication knowing we have a specific body language for colors doesn’t really help us in business but knowing what our stance, posture or sitting position is communicating could be the difference between obtaining contracts, jobs or influencing others.

To appear interested in a conversation we want to make sure we are in a receptive position. Using a closed posture such as having our arms are crossed over our chest indicates we are not interested, we are impatient, don’t believe what another is saying or we are dominant. In our history, for kings to appear dominant they would stand with their hands on the hips. Placing your hands in your pockets is a modified version of this dominance stance. If you are standing having a conversation with a female you will not persuade her if you stand with you hands in your pockets because in this position you will be dominating her and putting her at disadvantageous position. A better position is to hold you hands clasped in front or behind you and you will get better results. This works because female communicate in a linear way (1) and by clasping your hands in this way you are equalizing yourself to the position of the individual you are communicating with. On the converse if you are dealing with a male audience you want to express dominance - males communicate hierarchically (2) in this way you might use your hands in the conversation, invade their space by standing closer to them, or have you hands in your pockets.

When standing you need to look at your leg and feet positioning as well. If you are facing the person transmitting the communication and your feet are positioned facing toward the communicator it shows you are interested. If your body is diagonal to the person you are indicating dominance by showing you are open to an alternative conversation if another person approaches. If your legs are crossed with your feet facing forward (something like the position a child would hold themselves if they had to go to the bathroom but without the bouncing) you are indicating you are comfortable in the conversation and not ready to leave the conversation. If you hold your weight on one foot with the other foot pointing out you are ready to leave the conversation and head in the direction of the outward facing foot.

When sitting you want to show interest in the person speaking by sitting at the edge of the seat, leaning forward toward the conversation. I have been a witness to many meetings where I introduced contacts to each other to forward business and the person who would have received a great bounty sat with their hands folded across their chest and in a reclined position. In doing so they indicated to the individual referring business that they new it all, that they were not open to any contribution and they were in charge when in fact they weren’t. The person that sat with their arms folded had no idea why they were never referred business.

The way your legs are positioned while sitting can indicate dominance or submissiveness in the conversation. Kings would sit on their thrones with their legs wide open because they were not afraid someone would attack their most vulnerable areas. The position takes up the most room of all the sitting positions. Less dominant to this open leg position is the open legs with the ankle crossed at the knee. This position also takes up room but is considered less dominant than the first position. The third position is less dominant that the ankle knee position but still takes up room. It is the legs in an open position but elongated and crossed at the ankles.

Submissive positions are sitting positions that have the individual conserve space with the knees and the ankles close together. Either the position with one leg over the other or sitting with legs side by side – both are considered submissive. What’s interesting is, that dependent on how your brain is wired you will gravitate toward one sitting style unless placed in particular position where you feel the need to express dominance or submissiveness – it is both situational and preferentially based as to how you will sit at any particular time.

I have had the experience where a consultant is surprised the company we are both working for has obtained another consultant and the surprised consultant starts rolling up their sleeves as if they were preparing for a fight. Knowing this posture always prepares me beforehand that anything I might say in front of this consultant will be challenged and to maintain the confidence of the client I need to remain guarded during the meeting of my credibility.

In a meeting you can read who is the most important person by figuring out who is doing most of the speaking – or who is directing the conversation. Sometimes it is not the person that is in the leadership position and figuring this out is as complex the individuals themselves. I was working with the government and attended a meeting with a council group who were approving the project I was working on. During the presentation on one individual challenged the speakers presenting the projects then if he liked the speakers answers he would advocate for that speaker’s project. The remainder of the group did not respond and seemed to be satisfied with this individual’s choices. After analyzing this group for a while it was discovered the leader was really not the leader. There was a silent leader (you could see because this individual was checking in with the leader continuously – sometimes this looks like eye contact between two individuals). Often the silent leader would discredit the presenter’s work enough times until the perceived leader would change his mind. None of the silent leaders issues would be brought up or taken care of by the presenter because the discreditation would happen privately between the perceived leader and silent leader. In meetings like this it very important to know the players and how they communicate – what they’re language is so that if you have to, you provide some damage control. In this situation to have our presentation be accepted we needed to deal with the silent leader’s concerns first before we even presented to the group.

Body language is very important. What ever positioning you use, make sure yours fits the message you are trying to convey to your audience but also be willing to watch the language and see what others are really saying too. If you are unsure of another’s messaging this where you can stop them and ask for clarity.

Tracy Slotin
CEO and Grand Sandmaster
The Executive Sandbox ® Change Consultants
www.ExecutiveSandbox.com

(1) Tannen, Deborah Talking 9to 5: Men and Women Talking at Work
(2) Tannen, Deborah Talking 9to 5: Men and Women Talking at Work