Creating Clear Communication
Communication is made up of a transmitter and a receiver. For the receiver to receive the communication they must first speak the same language and a similar dialect to the language and dialect the transmitter is using.
What we rarely realize is that our communication is riddled with unique dialects and that complete understanding of a single transmission rarely occurs. Our unique dialects come from our biases, intentions, experiences, biology, sociology and psychology. Real communication only begins when we stop projecting our biases, intentions, experiences, biology, sociology and psychology into our communicating and listening and start to create and listen to reality freshly.
When we receive outside information our brain takes that information and compares it to what it already knows (1). Then the brain alters the information and stores the altered information. It is as if our brains are playing the childhood game Broken Telephone -where one child receives an whispered word and passes it to another child. Then that child passes it to another and so on until the last child informs the group of the incorrect word. Each individual’s experience of the word alters the word.
To be able to communicate and listen without our habitual form of communicating and listening Senge et al (2) suggests we need to learn how to suspend or remove ourselves from our habitual systems of thought. To accomplish this takes quite a bit of personal change and commitment. If you are committed: here are some steps I have found that work:
1.) Make a commitment to observe yourself – to make any change one must figure out what needs to change. A great way to do this is to journal situations, experiences, and interactions with others every day.
2.) Once you have them down on paper you want to look at each incident – it doesn’t matter whether it was a good or bad experience (“good” or “bad are judgments based on personal bias) and examine them in detail. Where in your life (what areas, who with, what time period) did you experience a similar experience? What about the conversation was familiar? Trace your experiences back as far back in your memory as you can. Be willing to re-examine each experience as sometimes it takes a while to find the first incident of an experience.
3.) Once you’ve traced the incident back as far as you can, figure out what feelings this incident created for you. What did you make up about yourself as a result of that conversation?
4.) Bring your first experience back to the current situation. How did the decisions you made about yourself in the earliest instance affect the outcome of the most recent situation.
Most conversations we have over and over again. It may be with different people, under different circumstance, in a different area of our lives, but it is the same conversation. Our communication is the only way we interact with the world around us. If we want to change the outcomes were getting – for example getting to understand what we’re saying and understanding others we need change our habitual way of interacting with the world and this is one way to accomplish this.
To create clear communication we must remove these hidden aspects. We’ve all experienced holding a conversation where we were instantly put at ease or a conversation where we were not heard at all. When we felt understood it was easy to hold a conversation when we weren’t understood we felt depleted or even frustrated. We also experience that in reading articles. Some are hard to read – while others are easy read and fast flowing.
Tracy Slotin
CEO and Grand Sandmaster
The Executive Sandbox® Change Consultants
www.ExecutiveSandbox.com
(1) Edward T. Hall – The Silent Langugue
(2) Senge, Peter, C, Otto Scharmer, Joseph Jaworski, and Betty Sue Flowers Presence: An Exploration of Profound Change in People, Organizations, and Society Random House, New York, NY 2004
What we rarely realize is that our communication is riddled with unique dialects and that complete understanding of a single transmission rarely occurs. Our unique dialects come from our biases, intentions, experiences, biology, sociology and psychology. Real communication only begins when we stop projecting our biases, intentions, experiences, biology, sociology and psychology into our communicating and listening and start to create and listen to reality freshly.
When we receive outside information our brain takes that information and compares it to what it already knows (1). Then the brain alters the information and stores the altered information. It is as if our brains are playing the childhood game Broken Telephone -where one child receives an whispered word and passes it to another child. Then that child passes it to another and so on until the last child informs the group of the incorrect word. Each individual’s experience of the word alters the word.
To be able to communicate and listen without our habitual form of communicating and listening Senge et al (2) suggests we need to learn how to suspend or remove ourselves from our habitual systems of thought. To accomplish this takes quite a bit of personal change and commitment. If you are committed: here are some steps I have found that work:
1.) Make a commitment to observe yourself – to make any change one must figure out what needs to change. A great way to do this is to journal situations, experiences, and interactions with others every day.
2.) Once you have them down on paper you want to look at each incident – it doesn’t matter whether it was a good or bad experience (“good” or “bad are judgments based on personal bias) and examine them in detail. Where in your life (what areas, who with, what time period) did you experience a similar experience? What about the conversation was familiar? Trace your experiences back as far back in your memory as you can. Be willing to re-examine each experience as sometimes it takes a while to find the first incident of an experience.
3.) Once you’ve traced the incident back as far as you can, figure out what feelings this incident created for you. What did you make up about yourself as a result of that conversation?
4.) Bring your first experience back to the current situation. How did the decisions you made about yourself in the earliest instance affect the outcome of the most recent situation.
Most conversations we have over and over again. It may be with different people, under different circumstance, in a different area of our lives, but it is the same conversation. Our communication is the only way we interact with the world around us. If we want to change the outcomes were getting – for example getting to understand what we’re saying and understanding others we need change our habitual way of interacting with the world and this is one way to accomplish this.
To create clear communication we must remove these hidden aspects. We’ve all experienced holding a conversation where we were instantly put at ease or a conversation where we were not heard at all. When we felt understood it was easy to hold a conversation when we weren’t understood we felt depleted or even frustrated. We also experience that in reading articles. Some are hard to read – while others are easy read and fast flowing.
Tracy Slotin
CEO and Grand Sandmaster
The Executive Sandbox® Change Consultants
www.ExecutiveSandbox.com
(1) Edward T. Hall – The Silent Langugue
(2) Senge, Peter, C, Otto Scharmer, Joseph Jaworski, and Betty Sue Flowers Presence: An Exploration of Profound Change in People, Organizations, and Society Random House, New York, NY 2004
Labels: Communication
posted by Tracy Slotin at 9:36 PM
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