Personal Change

Today while visiting a client we started to engage in a conversation about our collections of stuff we cannot bare to part with. The biggest problem was that the stuff we wanted to keep was small or we thought we might use again and did not want to throw it away. However, the extra stuff had created a situation where we are living on top of our stuff.

I remember many years ago when my paternal grandmother past away, my family went through her piles and collections. She even had a collection of used zippers and buttons she saved out of a lifetime of clothing she was finished wearing. I swore to myself I wouldn’t be the same. I would throw things out or give them away when the items weren’t useful anymore.

When one of my girlfriends passed away suddenly last year, I had another reminder of how too much stuff could be a problem. After two days of her family cleaning her suite I still couldn’t see how there was two bedrooms in her condo. There was so much stuff it was unbelievable. Still, I took some of her furniture into my small place making it even smaller.

I constantly wonder why we collect things in life. Why do we need things? Why does having things provide comfort? We certainly can’t take it with us in the end, so why have it to begin with?

Feng Shui suggests that if we remove old, used items from our space we are making room for other new items to appear in our lives. Often I’ve used this philosophy to figure out if a person was open to having others in their life. If your living space has only room for you, then how can you invite another into that space?

Every year around this time I get itchy for change. Especially when I’ve been looking at the same walls for a while. I have decided to get rid of the extra furniture and any extra clothing, paper, etc. I can part with.

The only I have as suggestions for getting rid of your excess stuff are the following: Have someone, a friend help you part with your stuff - going it alone will only have you do the minimum. Set up rules with that individual before hand so that your most prized possessions do not get thrown out but at the same time you do not hold onto everything you don’t need in your space. Get rid of all items that are on a someday course (someday I will read, someday I will finish this project, someday when...). Anything you are unsure of throwing out or giving away put in a designated place until you feel comfortable giving them away or throwing them out. I usually give items a maximum time limit of a year. If I do not touch it in a year I get rid of it. The main thing to know is, it’s hard to change and we get comfortable (develop habits of laziness) quite easily. The best way to do this type of change is like ripping off a band-aid – quickly!


Tracy Slotin, MBA
CEO and Grand SandMaster
The Executive Sandbox ® Change Consultants
www.ExecutiveSandbox.com

Personal Change

As you can see from my own example of writing a blog entry everyday as my New Year’s resolution – I have fallen off the wagon. It really is difficult to create change due to the way our brains work. However, if you are determined (I am determined to develop this writing habit) to change your habits then eventually you will change.

Some of the reason why it is difficult to make change is due to our scheduling of the desired habit. Using myself as an example for this, typically we don’t make room in our life for the changes we want to make. If having a shower every morning is important to me, I always seem to have enough time. Yet, for writing, I don’t have a specific time that I write where others will not interrupt me. Beyond this, when someone interrupts me, whether it be by phone, email or being in my space I welcome them in instead of requesting them to rescheduling a conversation, a request, etc., at a different time. What this means is, I don’t like to tell them this time is not that great for me.

Many times we don’t schedule (i.e.: put in our schedule) our own time and keep those appointments. Our mothers taught us to take care of others before ourselves and as a result we don’t get to accomplish the things we desire. This might be the one thing that’s in the way of accomplishing a new habit – our habit of not keeping our promises to our selves.

Another thing that may keep us from our goal is fear or worry. Fear of success also comes under this heading. If we let our fears stop us in our path to our goals then we will only have the path of being fearful. We don’t get the goal. We only get the fear.

Fear is an inherited response. We’ve evolved with it. It is a reptilian response to unfamiliar stimulus that was used to keep us safe. If we continue to engage in it we develop a habit of listening to it. It becomes a learned behavior. Over the years I’ve come across a number of solutions to dealing with fear but the best one I came across recently.

We all have thinking preferences or parts of our brain we prefer to use. If we are using the right side of our brain to process information and we are getting worried or fearful we need to switch to processing on the left side of the brain. Sure that sounds easy, but what does that mean?

The two sides of our brain are responsible for different kinds of thought. Although their functions are normally integrated, they possess capacities and can operate independently. The right side of the brain processes asymmetrical thinking and its function is to work on intuitive, emotional, holistic, nonverbal, visual, spatial, and simultaneous comprehension tasks. The left side of the brain performs symmetric thinking and its function is to work on rational, logical, analytical, mathematical, verbal, linear, sequential ordering tasks.

Now, think about the tasks you perform everyday. What task are you performing when you are fearful? Next time you are fearful, switch to task that is using the other side of the brain. This will eliminate your fear and you will be able to fulfill your goal.

Tracy Slotin, MBA
CEO and Grand SandMaster
The Executive Sandbox ® Change Consultants
www.ExecutiveSandbox.com

New Year’s Resolutions - The Ultimate Personal Change Mechanism

Every year around this time we as humans have this ritual of setting New Year’s Resolutions. It’s like a system we have set in place where everyone around us asks how we are going to change in our lives this year. It is reported by many fitness institutions that the resolution crowd joins the fitness crazy every January with barely 1% sticking to their original resolution.

Why is it so hard for us to change our patterns? Why when we have the best intentions of betterment do we fail? There is a very good reason for the possibility failure to be closely linked with our new resolution for change. When we look at any change whether personal or corporate we must first look at the smallest common denominator – in either case we need to look at how we process information or how our brains work.

When we challenge ourselves with a resolution we are not only asking ourselves to develop a new habit but also to stop indulging in another well established habit we have developed against the very resolution we are trying to start.

Our brains like to create automatic processes. Every time we perform an activity we create a neural connection. The more times we repeat or practice the activity the greater number of neural connections we create in our brain. When we first learn a task like driving a car, we have to pay attention to many different inputs such as looking at three mirrors, shoulder checks, peddle usage, etc. This information is stored in our short term-memory. As this task is practiced it transfers into our long-term memory and becomes an automatic process where we can insert the keys into the ignition and not remember the drive to work.

It is said by some brain researchers it takes 21 days in a row of performing a task before that task becomes habit. Likewise, it takes 21 days in a row of not performing a task to break a habit. For example: if I want to stop biting my nails I need to not bite my nails for 21 days in a row. If I breakdown and bite my nails on the 12th day then I need to start my count to 21 from the beginning. Many times a habit we want to break may persist beyond the 21 days it takes to break it. This is a result of the foundation created by the habit. With my nail-biting habit, if I’ve been biting my nails for 10 years, I’ve developed 10 years of connections in my brain. It will take me 21 days to break the habit but an additional 10 years in which I am at risk of re-establishing that habit with only a couple instances of biting my nails.

If you fail in your attempts to fulfill your new year’s habit – don’t despair – get right back on that horse and start counting your 21 days. Know that change is difficult and may require a couple attempts – it is tenacity that will help build that good habit you are working on. Here are some additional tips to help you succeed:

• Create a crystal clear picture of your target goal (how you feel when you achieve it, how it smells, tastes, etc.) to ensure that you develop your own sense of urgency to create the change you desire. This will help you with your commitment to your goal.
• Create a cheering team or a group that you report your progress to – they might even agree to be your resolution partner.
• Brainstorm fun and creative ways you can incorporate your resolution into your life for at least the next 21 days. The more creative you can be the easier it will be you to incorporate it and the more you’ll look forward to achieving your goal.
• Map out milestones and rewards for meeting those milestones (Make sure your milestones are clear e.g. loose 5 pounds by the end of month 1) and share these with your cheering team.
• Make sure every milestone is celebrated.
• If you do not meet your targets, figure out what has prevented you from reaching those goals. Analyze and chart your results (expectations vs. actual outcomes, times performed task etc.) Make these large, visual and hang them in a public place where others can see your progress too.

For myself, for this year, my habit or resolution I am taking on is blogging every single day starting with this blog entry. I have created the habit of writing in my life but not exposing my writing to others – or publishing my writing to the open public. I encourage you to make your resolutions as public as possible to have as many pulls as you can to achieve your goals.

In this blog I hope you will find useful insights and articles. Further, I would be delighted to hear your comments or feedback.

Tracy Slotin, MBA
CEO & Grand Sandmaster
The Executive Sandbox® Change Consultants

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